Why I haven’t blogged…

… is relatively simple – I’ve been in a pissed off, angry at the f-ing world mood. Stress is killing me… but I haven’t cut since the day I got fired from Relay, so I have actually accomplished SOMETHING positive, maybe?!

Clearing crap up with Relay on Monday wasn’t the best of all ways to start off my week, needless to say. I still have stuff to finalize, such as finding a way to keep my Aflac.

We got a record amount of rain this week where I live – a whooping 8inches in 24hrs, therefore causing the roads to flood like crazy! Sacking groceries in the rain is fun, except for dealing with wet glasses. The football stadium had 8inches of standing water in the bottom of it, which had to be pumped out before the game yesterday (of which Tech won!!!), and almost all of our tiny lakes around town are filled and overflowing. Many roads were flooded and some are still not completely drained down. They even cancelled school on Friday!

I was served with an eviction notice on my apartment on Wednesday, got it cleared up on Thursday, then paid it on Friday. This notice was found attached to my door, after I went to choir practice, which was an emotional and stressful experience in and of itself.

Sacking groceries has caused problems with my chronic pain. I have somehow sprained my left wrist (it might possibly be the RSD flaring), so it hurts to work. My ankle has also been giving me routine problems. I keep on getting scheduled as a sacker instead of a checker – not cool – and physically my body is giving out. I have had trouble sleeping because of the pain, which in turn has made me angry and irritable.

I started my new job this week, which has been a blessing, however is requiring me to depend heavily on faith. I love the job, yet I’m scared at the same time. I start it full time this week, tomorrow, and we shall see how things pan out. My boss told me he was paying me to be “the bitch”, so I’m not totally sure what to make out of that! I have the task of organizing and running the office part of the place, which I see as a challenge.

Made it to church this morning. I kept rather quiet, just very overwhelmed by everything that has happened over the last 2.5 weeks. We talked about blessings and giving praise. I kept on thinking about the Casting Crown’s song “Praise You In this Storm”. Found out a team is being formed for Race for the Cure, which is on October 4th. I’m going to join again this year and I’m pround to wear Vicki’s name on my back under Celebration! I found R. after church and found myself just opening up, saying things aloud for reasons I’m not totally sure… but I feel lighter now… as she was optimistic, which I needed to see and hear from her — I do trust her and respect her. I also got some much needed hugs this morning!

This evening, I am going to sit down and finalize my plans of what to enter into the Fair. I really want to make a cross, a red/white/blue wall cross and I know I want to finish my 12 color bedspread. I have an afghan in the shape of a star that looks incredible that I might enter as well, possibly some Christmas ornaments, and or whatever else I can come up with and hopefully find a category to enter. I might also make a Texas Tech pillow or possibly turn it into a purse or something… not sure… and that is what I will have to finalize this evening. This is a huge step and it makes me feel very vunerable to have my work out on display.

Oh, did I care to mention how I have been recovering from a case of the flu all week too???

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Randomness

– I think, well I hope I think, I have come up with the dreamest afghan to enter the local fair with. The pattern is complicated, yet simple in technique (except for the detailing), and is culturally significant. The theme is relative to the community right now and I believe it will stand out not only for quality, but for originality and beauty.

– I had a genuine connection with someone today, which brought me to tears. I let down my walls in a way I didn’t know I had let them down and that “someone” has seen a side of me she didn’t know existed… the side of me where my scars don’t matter.

– Eating lots of sour candy will burn your mouth and tongue! Sour Patch Kids are safe to eat with braces and are yummy yummy to my tummy 🙂 My whole mouth feels like it has little cuts all over it, reminding me of when I first got braces over 9months ago – haha!!

– I really need to floss my teeth, at least I feel like I need to floss them.

– Sleep deprivation has been the activity I have been engaging in the most lately.

– I’m starting another diet tomorrow.

– I am dreading renewing my lease on my apartment.

– I am scheduled for 19hrs next week, but none as a checker… they are all SACKER HOURS! My ankle is going to rebel, not to mention the hours are MORNING HOURS!! However, my boss finally listened to the part of my request referencing my ability to only work 3-4hr shifts as a sacker. I work Monday through Friday.

– I found a job I might be applying for and it is at a school. I haven’t been in the schools in two years, I miss it, but I’m apprehensive about applying. I need to apply, just for me.

– I still haven’t gone swimming for real this summer and it looks like I probably never will.

– I want to settle down and start my life… and possibly have a family. I want to start opening myself up to the idea of having more than a friendship with a guy, even though I dream of marrying my best guy friend 😉

– I have Sponge Bob Square Pants sparkly blue bubble gum toothpaste in my purse, a purple toothbrush, and Impala elastics.

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